Have a Heart!
by jayfeather86
Summary: Kakuzu is in a bit of a sticky situation, and Hidan helps him out because, no matter how much they fight, each is all the other has. Hidan&Kakuzu friendship. M for blood/gore, Hidan's language, and some dark themes.


_Have a Heart!_

**Kakuzu winds up in a bit of a tight spot thanks to Hidan, and he doesn't know if he'll be able to get out of this one…**

"Hey, can we stop? I'm fucking hungry." A man with silver hair said, casting an expectant glance at his teammate, whose green eyes narrowed in irritation.

"No," was his curt reply.

Hidan frowned, glaring at the masked man next to him. "Why the hell not? I just said I'm fucking hungry."

This time the man with the mask turned his head to glare back, clearly annoyed. "Because, Hidan, in case you've failed to notice, we are in the middle of _nowhere_!" he hissed.

Hidan looked taken aback for a moment, but then he remembered this was the third time he'd asked that in maybe half an hour, so he really shouldn't be surprised that Kakuzu was pissed at him. Well, come to think of it, Kakuzu was pretty much always pissed at him, but this didn't stop him from snapping back at him. "Jeez, who put maple syrup in your panty drawer?" he sneered. "You know, Jashin doesn't approve of you being an ass to his followers, so I think—WHAT THE FUCK?" He stepped to the side just in time to avoid a kunai that was thrown with deadly force in his direction.

"Just shut up, Hidan!" Kakuzu snarled. "We are on a mission, so take it seriously for once! We are in the middle of enemy shinobi territory, and you're complaining about being hungry!"

"When I'm hungry, I'm gonna fucking say something!" Hidan shot back. "You don't have to bitch over it! You were the one who acted like I fucking killed your dog or something!"

By now they had stopped along the overgrown forest path they had been traveling along, glaring holes in each other. "You are such a pain in the ass!" the stitch-covered ninja spat. "If you're so unjustly treated in this team, then why don't you fucking leave?"

The forest around them had gone unnaturally silent, but neither noticed, too caught up in their urges to rip each other's throats out. Hidan faltered for a moment, surprised that the notion had never occurred to him before, but he quickly recovered. "You know what? Maybe I fucking will! Maybe then I'll finally get a break from you and your constant bitching!"

This wasn't by any means the first time the Zombie Combo had fought like this, and it wasn't likely to be the last. But rarely were their fights this scathing, without resorting to violence. "Just leave then!" Kakuzu snarled. "I can guarantee nobody'll miss you back at the hideout! Hell, they'll probably fucking cheer when I tell them!"

"Like I give a fuck about them! You know what, Kakuzu? I think you're right." Hidan's manner suddenly changed to one of smug victory.

Kakuzu was confused. Hidan was admitting he was right? _Hidan?_ At first he couldn't believe he had heard right. "What?"

A smirk curled the immortal's lips, and there was a vicious, scathing gleam in his violet eyes. "Yeah, you heard me. You're right. You'll be better off without me, and I'll be better off without you."

"W-what?" Now he was really confused. Was Hidan being serious about leaving the organization? Sure, he had said this stuff a hundred times before, but he'd never really thought that Hidan would actually mean it when he said he would leave.

The silver-haired man adjusted the scythe strapped to his back and started to head in the other direction, giving a dismissive wave to Kakuzu over his shoulder. "Won't be seein' ya anytime soon, penny-pinching bastard!" Hidan called almost cheerfully without turning around.

Kakuzu was momentarily stunned. "Fuck you!" he finally managed to shout, enraged and confused at the same time.

Hidan stopped and turned around, grinning. "No thanks," he said cheekily. "Is that what you meant by saying I was a pain in your ass?" He burst into laughter at his own joke, while Kakuzu just stared openmouthed at him, though you couldn't tell because of the mask.

Suddenly Kakuzu felt a sharp stab of pain in his upper arm, and he looked away from Hidan for a moment to examine his arm. "What the hell…?" he said, looking at the slim gray dart sticking out of his arm. He hissed in pain as he pulled it out, and seeing the tiny barbs on the inch-long, needle-like tip of the dart explained it.

"What the fuck?" he heard Hidan say rather loudly. "Fucking needle hurts like a bitch!"

Kakuzu wanted to tell Hidan to keep it down, that they were still in enemy ninja territory, but a strange haze had come over his mind. His thoughts were muddled, and he couldn't seem to focus correctly… _What's going on?_ The stitch-nin wondered vaguely as a wave of dizziness overcame him, and suddenly Hidan's voice, swearing and shouting, seemed distant and foggy. Kakuzu was dimly aware that he stumbled and fell to the ground as his vision blurred, and blackness began to creep up on the edges of his sight.

_The damn dart!_ He realized too late, though his fogged mind was too far gone with the effects of the drug to think that Hidan might do anything about it. He struggled to remain conscious, though he felt as though he was being swallowed by a black hole. His limbs felt heavier than lead, and the tidal wave of blackness threatening to overwhelm him at any second was too much to resist any longer. _We're both fucked…_ were Kakuzu's last thoughts, just before the darkness took him, and he saw no more.

Inverted green eyes flickered open, trying to focus on the dim surroundings. _What the hell is going on?_ Kakuzu wondered as his sleep-fogged mind tried to break out of the drug-induced haze it had been put into some time before. He couldn't see much of anything due to the dim lighting, which consisted of one harsh bare bulb hanging on a cord from the ceiling.

Kakuzu attempted to sit up and felt a flutter of panic when he realized he couldn't move and was bound tightly to some flat surface, most likely a table. _What? Where am I?_ He thought frantically, struggling uselessly at the tight leather cuffs that bound his wrists and ankles.

_Wait a minute! Calm down,_ the rational part of his brain told him, and Kakuzu forced himself to relax, lying still and taking a deep breath. _Assess the situation, then develop a solution,_ he told himself. That was the key to solving any financial problem. First you had to identify the problem, then formulate a solution based on that problem.

Tied to a table. That was the problem. The solution was almost painfully obvious. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. _These people must be idiots,_ he thought. _Or they just don't know who I am…_ Either way, he shrugged it off and focused on using his threads to unlock the chains.

A few tense, uneventful seconds passed. …Why wasn't anything happening? A cold feeling settled in the pit of Kakuzu's stomach, and he felt a chill of real fear go up his spine. There was some kind of barrier blocking his chakra; he could feel it when he tried to reach his chakra. _…Damn it,_ he cursed silently. If he couldn't get to his chakra, he was virtually helpless. And he didn't think taijutsu would be of much use if he was strapped to a table.

Suddenly the sound of footsteps echoed off the walls, and Kakuzu froze. He was suddenly uncomfortably aware that his mask was missing and his torso was bare, displaying his meandering scars and the stitches that kept him together like a rag doll.

_Where's Hidan when you need him?_ He was sure the immortal's scythe would be of great use in slashing his bonds as well as decapitating, dismembering, and disemboweling the asshole who thought they could capture him and get away with it.

The footsteps got closer and closer, and Kakuzu could make out that there was definitely more than one of them; three at the least and five at the most. He could hear their voices but couldn't quite make out what they were saying, although they sounded almost… gleeful?

That couldn't be good. The footsteps were definitely close now, and the sound of a heavy door creaking open and then closing again sealed his fate. Kakuzu could hear their voices clearly now, and he twisted in his bonds, trying to get a look at their faces.

"Well, well, boys, it looks like you've finally gotten me someone fun to play with." An amused female voice spoke up, but the chilling undertone beneath the cheerfulness made Kakuzu almost shiver.

Kakuzu twisted to the right, where the voice was coming from. He was rather disappointed to be met with a smooth white mask with narrow eye slits instead of a face. Nonetheless, this did not deter him from glaring at their masked faces. "Who the hell are you?" he snarled, struggling uselessly against the restraints.

The ice-blue eyes glinting behind the female's mask betrayed that she was smiling, probably grinning. "That's none of your concern," she answered lightly.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, forcing himself to stay calm. "Names? Locations? I'll tell you for the right price." Kakuzu had to hold back a smirk. He was already turning the situation in his favor! He could give them false information and still make a hefty profit. Of course, he would have to make that false information sound convincing, but Kakuzu was a damn good liar if he was anything.

The female laughed out loud, a chilling sound that belied something dangerously akin to madness. "No, no, we don't care about that," she said, focusing her cold blue eyes on his prone form, her gaze raking up and down his stitched body. "I just want to have a little… _fun._" Her voice dropped to a husky whisper on the last word, and Kakuzu knew in that instant that this was one of those (thankfully) rare people who were really, truly mad. Insane, cracked, cuckoo for coco puffs, whatever you wanted to call it, he knew she would not be swayed by any amount of money, pleading, or begging, simply because she had no sanity left to reason with.

And it was terrifying. Kakuzu's breath hitched as her fingernails, filed to deadly points, dragged lightly across the skin of his shoulder, his neck, flicking his earlobe lightly before tracing his jaw line and coming to rest in the hollow of his throat. He shivered at her touch, forcing himself not to pant.

Suddenly her head snapped to the side, glaring at the two standing off to the side, also in white masks. "You two can leave us," she said in a sickly-sweet tone of voice, and the sound of hurrying footsteps told Kakuzu that they had left. He didn't blame them one bit.

"You _are_ interesting," she murmured as her touch ghosted over his tan skin, making him recoil ever so slightly. "It's not often I get to play with someone so… _unique._" Lightly tracing the meandering path of one of the stitched scars on his abdomen with a pale finger, the masked woman seemed to be appraising him for some sick and twisted purpose.

Kakuzu heard the soft scrape of metal on metal as her hand dipped below her waist for a moment to retrieve something from her belt. He expected a kunai or something of the sort when she raised her arm again, but he was in for another surprise. What he did see was infinitely more chilling: in one milk-white hand she held a curved scalpel, the kind used by medic-nin to cut through flesh and muscle with ease, the blade gleaming cruelly in the bland, harsh light in the room.

He stiffened as she brought the knife down, torturously slow, to touch his flesh. Confused, Kakuzu looked up, trying to see what was going on. He had been expecting her to slice into him immediately, so he was surprised when all he felt was the cold kiss of the blade held against his stomach with just enough pressure to set him on edge.

Her soft giggle echoed in the room as she dragged the blade in lazy patterns across his torso, not quite breaking the skin but letting him feel how sharp it was. "Where should I start?" she wondered out loud, her blade stopping on the soft skin just above his collarbone. "Usually I like to make a few pretty designs, just to warm up, but it looks like someone's already done a fine job slicing you up. Pity they weren't more artistic, though…"

Kakuzu was acutely aware of the knife pressed into the soft flesh above his collarbone, knowing all too well how easily she could slice an artery and bleed him dry with just one cut, gliding through his flesh to allow hot scarlet rivers to spill forth and flow in ruby tides over the cold steel, slowly draining his life away as—_NO!_ Kakuzu quickly shoved the thought to the back of his mind. He couldn't think like that. _You can do this,_ he told himself. _You're stronger than this. She'll get bored eventually._

"Oh, well," he heard her disturbingly nonchalant voice say from above him. "We'll just have to make do." Suddenly a sharp, burning pain in his right upper arm made him almost yelp. The scalpel cut into his skin as easily as scissors through paper, leaving trails of searing pain in its wake.

She slowly carved some pattern into his skin; he didn't know what it was and wasn't sure he wanted to, only focusing on blocking out the pain and feeling rivulets of blood run in crimson trails down his arm.

"There!" she said, pulling away, and Kakuzu caught a glimpse of the bloodied scalpel, both the blade and her pale fingers dripping and glistening wetly with blood. "Isn't it pretty? I think it adds more variety."

Kakuzu didn't dare to reply, lest he unintentionally make some sound he would surely regret later. He forced himself to keep his eyes open, knowing that most sadists liked their victims to watch what was happening. His arm was burning rather distractingly, and he tried not to let it show on his face.

"Hmm…" she said, putting a finger to where her chin would be, leaving a bloody smear on the white mask. "I wonder what you look like inside. Let's find out!"

Kakuzu felt cold fear tighten in the pit of his stomach as the masked woman raised the scalpel again, bringing it down with practiced precision to rest just beneath the ribs on his left side. "Ready?" she asked gleefully. Not waiting for an answer, she slid the scalpel deep into his flesh, causing agony to shoot through his entire left side.

Kakuzu heard the sickening _pop_ as his stitches were cut, felt the deep agony burning in the blade's wake as his flesh separated, and a choked cry escaped him despite his earlier refusal to make any kind of sound. He felt rather dazed after the incision was complete, his mind in a fog and the pain only a dull throb in the background. His vision was blurry and white spots flashed in front of his eyes. Was this what dying felt like? He wondered this vaguely, hearing some voice talking from what seemed like far away…

"…no fun! This just won't do!" the masked woman huffed, putting her blood-covered hands on her hips. She pulled a syringe out of one of the pouches on her belt, tipped with a long hypodermic needle. "This ought to do it," she said, sticking the needle into her victim's left upper arm and pushing the plunger to empty its contents. It was no fun when they went into shock! Then they weren't as responsive, and there was no amusement in a silent victim.

Kakuzu was suddenly jolted back to awareness as the adrenaline shot took effect, and the pain hit him full-force. He gasped but refused to moan or scream, biting his tongue to keep back any of these noises. He had no time to recover as another line of fire was cut parallel to the first, this time a few inches above his hips but just as deep.

He could feel blood pouring from the wounds in hot, sticky, trails even as the knife bit into him once more, connecting the two previous incisions with a vertical line straight down the middle of his abdomen to make a cut in the shape of an uppercase 'i.'

There was a moist, gooey sound as she peeled the flaps apart, exposing his internal organs, still pulsing with life. Her eyes widened in fascination behind the white mask. "Ooh, isn't this interesting?" She reached inside to feel around, and Kakuzu had to look away, sickened and horrified at the same time.

He didn't want to believe this was real, desperately wishing that this was all a horrible dream, wishing that he would wake up any second to Hidan shouting at him and cursing that he was hungry or they needed to stop so he could do some bloody ritual.

Suddenly there was a pulse of deep pain from somewhere in his abdominal region, and he gave a half-choked cry as she squeezed again. The pain faded to a dull throb afterwards, but he could still _feel_ her long, pale fingers caressing inside him, and he was torn between recoiling in disgust and having a complete mental breakdown.

"You have _two_ hearts?" she asked in wonder, continuing to caress the pulsing organ. "It must be my lucky day; usually I save the heart for last, just 'cause it's so much fun to feel it pulsing and writhing in my hand as it cut it out. Well, that and they die pretty quickly afterwards," she added, shrugging.

Kakuzu bit back a terrified whimper. If she had found one of his spare hearts, then it was only a matter of time before she found the other three. The scalpel's blade briefly flashed in the light, just before Kakuzu was seized by agony, and he writhed uselessly in his bonds, trying to escape the pain.

The woman in the white mask watched in sick pleasure at how her victim writhed in agony as she severed the veins that held the heart in place, purposely going slowly. Blood poured in a crimson river from the severed arteries, washing over the blade and her hands in a hot, sticky tide. She heard a cry of pain just as she cut the last sinew binding the heart to its owner, and for a moment she just stared at the bloody, pulsing organ in her hands. It was truly art in its rawest form, the primal source of human life. She could _feel_ the burning life energy pulsing inside it, feel the rhythm in her palm and the heat spreading down her arm, even as it faded to the cold stillness of death. This was true beauty, and it made her feel _amazing_ to see it, to hold it in her hands.

Kakuzu bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, refusing to scream even as the heart was wrenched from his body. For a few moments that seemed to stretch on for half an eternity, the masked sadist just stared at the bloody heart in her hand as if mesmerized. "Beautiful…" she breathed, a strange light in her ice-blue eyes. "I'll need something to preserve this in. It'll dry out if I just leave it out," she explained as if there was another person in the room.

He stiffened as he felt her hand, damp with blood and freezing cold, take one of his hands in her grasp. He caught a glimpse of the bloodied scalpel in her other hand just before pain seared his hand, the blade slicing deep into the skin at the base of his pinkie finger, just above the knuckle. The cut continued almost all the way around, not going any deeper than past the skin. Kakuzu felt a flash of confusion. If her aim wasn't to remove the digit, then what was? Another deep, burning cut went up the inner side of his pinkie, connected to the previous incision.

He heard the musical clinking of metal as she reached into her pouch once more, and he twisted, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on. As soon as he saw it, Kakuzu immediately wished he hadn't. His green eyes widened in horror as she pulled out a curved skinning knife and didn't hesitate as she slid it under his skin, pulling at the flap created by the two incisions.

That was it. Kakuzu couldn't take it anymore. He arched his back and screamed as she flayed the skin from his little finger, finally ripping it away with a decisive yank, and the hideous sound of tearing flesh clawed the air like nails on a chalkboard.

He was in a pain-filled haze even as she dug around in his organs again, barely able to hear her as she made comments about how pretty his appendix was, among other things. Suddenly another needle was jabbed into his arm, and he was jolted out of the fog in his mind.

"You can't go yet!" she pouted, almost childlike, still holding the empty syringe in one hand. "I'm not done yet!"

Kakuzu only moaned quietly in response, feeling the effects of the adrenaline shot. It made him almost hyperaware of what was going on, and the pain was especially acute to his now-hypersensitive nerves.

"Ooh, what's this? _Another_ heart? Wow, you're full of surprises, aren't you?" She fondled the heart, making him gasp in pain when she squeezed it occasionally, dragging her dagger-like nails over the pulsing organ.

There was another shock of blinding pain as she sliced the heart out, and this time he didn't hold back, screaming in agony and straining at his bonds. The leather bit mercilessly into his wrists, rubbing them raw and even making them bleed, but it was nothing compared to what he felt as she cut out his second heart.

"I suppose I'll need a place to put this one, too…" she commented lightly, and he felt the same dreadful cuts quickly done on his ring finger, then the burning agony as she slid the skinning knife beneath the flap and tugged.

Kakuzu's throat was already raw from screaming, but he still screamed as she flayed the skin from his finger, cursing and pleading incoherently for something, _anything_, to make the pain stop.

She giggled as she held the still-beating heart in her gore-covered hand. "Scream all you want; there's no one to hear you but me," she giggled, taking a sick and utterly twisted pleasure in his agony. "I wonder how many more hearts you have…" she wondered out loud, the scalpel in her hand once more.

The next thirty-eight minutes seemed an eternity to Kakuzu, a horrible, hazy, pain-filled eternity. His breaths were heavy and labored, like someone was pressing a heavy stone on his chest, and it didn't help that the air was hot and thick with the metallic scent of blood. Everything stank of blood, the heavy, coppery scent mixed in with those of sweat, fear, and utter despair.

Only the pain marked any passage of time in the drab little room, which had become his own personal hell in the span of only ninety-one minutes, although it felt like a thousand years to its tortured occupant. Two instances in which the pain had become nearly unbearable marked the only reassurance of the actual passage of time, and his mind, half-crazed with pain, was able to piece together that she had removed two more hearts in that time, and in turn four of his fingers had been laid bare, two on each hand.

Kakuzu stared at the white-masked face through green eyes glazed with pain and exhaustion, lips slightly parted as he panted for breath. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth; he had bitten his tongue sometime earlier. Four bloody hearts lay on a tray held by the masked woman, whom he was sure was grinning sadistically behind that damn mask.

"I must say: I'm very impressed. I've never had someone with two hearts, let alone five," she mused. "And the way you screamed as I tore them out was simply… _delicious._"

Kakuzu didn't bother to reply; he had no energy to snarl a retort anyways. He just closed his eyes and hoped to whatever deities might be listening that she would stop. His one remaining heart was pounding frantically in his chest, but it too was running out of energy. Without his other hearts to sustain him, it wouldn't be much longer now. His body could only take so much, and she was pushing it. Bloody designs were carved all over his chest and arms, and she had broken most of his ribs in getting to his fourth heart. Now all that was left was for her to end it, which she would most likely do in the most painful way possible. But after all he had suffered through, he would welcome death.

It was odd, he thought, absurdly, that even after almost a century, he never thought he would meet his end this way. It was funny how the world worked, wasn't it? He felt a pang of irony.

"Now, I'm almost certain this is the last heart…" she said, picking up the scalpel once more in her thin, pale hands, which were covered in blood up to the elbow.

Kakuzu didn't move as she raised the scalpel. He was so tired, and he knew he wouldn't last much longer after his heart was removed. He watched the scalpel descend toward his chest and was about to close his eyes when a deafening _BANG_ resounded from the steel door on the other side of the room.

She froze, her whole body tense as she stared at the steel door as if waiting for it to explode. There was silence for exactly twenty-three seconds. Then all hell broke loose.

The steel door flew off its hinges and hit the wall with another deafening _CLANG_, echoing in the mostly empty room. A tall, muscled figure strode in, wielding a deadly-looking triple-bladed scythe. He had silver hair and violet eyes, which blazed with rage. He stepped into the room, took one look at Kakuzu strapped to the table and the gore-covered instruments in the masked woman's hands, and gripped the scythe tightly, leveling it with the masked woman's head.

"Back off, fucker," Hidan growled, and blood dripped from the scythe's blades in a steady _drip-drip_ onto the floor.

To his surprise, she laughed out loud. "Well, this is certainly unexpected," she mused, twirling the blade in her fingers. "I'm surprised my seal wasn't able to keep you contained until I was finished here."

He didn't seem to even listen to what she said. "Shut the fuck up and get away from him," he ordered, violet eyes burning metaphorical holes in her head.

"If you wanted me to play with you instead, all you had to do was say so," the masked woman said, an undertone of glee audible in her voice. "Do you have five hearts, too?" She started to take a step forward.

That was all it took. In less than a second Hidan's scythe sliced through, flesh, bone, and sinew, severing her head from her body in one swift stroke, accompanied by a spray of blood. The body collapsed limply to the floor, still pouring blood, which was quickly becoming a spreading crimson puddle.

Hidan quickly replaced the scythe on his back and strode over to where Kakuzu lay on the table, dazed and bleeding. As his violet eyes roamed over the scene, even Hidan was a little overwhelmed. Sure, he had sacrificed countless people to his god in brutal, bloody fashions, but he never dragged it out like this. He always ended it with a quick slash of their throats, not slowly tearing their hearts out or some other sadistic torture method.

The immortal just stared for a few seconds, eyes wide in horrific fascination. "Son of a bitch…" he breathed, looking even paler than usual.

"Hidan…" Kakuzu rasped, staring at his teammate through half-lidded green eyes. He had never been happier to see the violent Jashinist, though everything felt dull and muted for some reason.

Hidan already had a kunai out and quickly sliced the leather cuffs that bound him to the table, freeing his raw and bleeding wrists. Seeing the glazed and unfocused look in Kakuzu's eyes made a flash of worry go through him. "Don't you fucking dare die, you bastard," he said, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. He was tired; he had already used a substantial amount of chakra to escape from where he was being held, and the effects of the drugs used to keep him sedated hadn't fully worn off yet.

He looked in horror at what the sadistic woman had done to Kakuzu, almost unwilling to believe it if not for the fact that he was witnessing it. His entire abdomen was cut open, exposing his internal organs, and four hearts lay on a tray next to the table, wrapped in what looked like… skin? He realized with a gut-wrenching twist of both revulsion and pity that his speculation was right, seeing that the last two fingers on each of Kakuzu's hands had been flayed bare. He gave a small shudder but quickly masked it with anger. How sick was this bitch?

Hidan quickly shook it off; the bitch was dead, anyways. "We're getting the fuck out of here," he said as he carefully closed the flaps of bloody flesh, covering Kakuzu's internal organs and such. He had nothing to stitch the wounds shut with, so there was really nothing he could do for such a grievous injury. Besides, he had never been good with medical jutsu.

Kakuzu hissed as Hidan tried to pick him up, feeling pain electrify his nerves once more, making him twitch involuntarily. "Hidan, don't," he hissed, trying to remain conscious through the pain.

"Sorry," Hidan growled, not listening as he lifted Kakuzu up in his arms, ignoring the breathless curses of pain. "This is gonna hurt like a bitch, but we gotta get out of here."

Kakuzu snarled incoherent curses when Hidan picked him up, pain shooting through his entire body like fire and causing black spots to flash in front of his vision. "You bastard…" he mumbled, having no energy to lash out at the immortal like he normally would.

Hidan hurried out of the room and started down one of the dim hallways, looking for any kind of door that might lead them out. There were doors here and there, he noticed as he wandered down the hallways, but they all led into more empty rooms, just as devoid of color and furnishings as the hallways. It felt like he was going in circles; one black door looked very similar to a hundred others when you passed them all in succession.

"Damnit!" Hidan swore as he stopped in the middle of a hallway. "All these Jashin-damned hallways look the same!" He looked down at the limp body in his arms, feeling a twinge of fear that maybe he was too late. "Hey, Kakuzu, you alright?" he asked in a quieter tone of voice.

Green eyes glared spitefully up at him, but Hidan noted it took them a moment to focus properly. "No, I am not alright!" he hissed. "I've had four of my hearts removed in the most painful way possible and probably lost a liter of blood in less than two hours!"

"Jeez, I get it," the Jashinist muttered with a roll of his eyes. For once he didn't feel like fighting with his teammate, and seeing the hazy flicker in those green eyes told him he needed to move fast if Kakuzu was going to make it.

Suddenly he felt a cold draft stir the hem of his cloak, the breeze whispering from beyond the doorway he stood right next to. _What the…?_ He cautiously approached the door, shifting Kakuzu slightly to free one of his hands to open the door. The instant the door opened, a chill breeze swept in, and he felt Kakuzu shiver in his arms. But the odd thing was that the breeze came not from in front but from down a staircase, which he immediately started up, not wanting to waste any time in escaping the dreadful place.

Hidan wasted no time in darting out of the trapdoor at the top of the staircase, which led into a forest bathed in the darkness of night. He was surprised at how much time had passed, but he supposed he shouldn't be. He had no idea how long he'd been unconscious, and it had taken him a good hour or so to kill all the guards and find Kakuzu.

_Shit!_ He mentally cursed, realizing he was utterly lost. "Where the hell are we?" Hidan muttered to himself, glancing around the dark forest. There was only a sliver of moon in the sky, and the stars gave off very little light, so he could see almost nothing. And it was _cold._ It had been pleasant but cool in the middle of the day, when they had first set out on their mission, but it had to have dropped at least twenty degrees. He could feel the bite of the cold even through the fabric of his cloak, and was starting to regret not wearing a shirt.

There was a sudden rustling noise in the foliage behind him, and Hidan almost jumped, stiffening. He quickly turned around to see what it was, even though he could only see vague outlines and shapes in the darkness. He wanted to reach for his scythe or a kunai, but Kakuzu's quiet moan of pain stopped him from moving any more than was absolutely necessary.

That reminded him again of their situation. He needed to find a hospital, and quickly. With a pang he remembered that Kakuzu was wearing nothing above the waist, and he swore under his breath. If he was cold, then he knew Kakuzu was worse off. But he couldn't get his cloak off without setting down both Kakuzu and his scythe, and something was telling him that keeping his weapons close was a good idea.

The forest had gone eerily silent, and Hidan realized he could see his breath, billowing in silver clouds in front of his face as he panted. Suddenly conscious of the almost oppressive silence, Hidan made an effort to quiet his breathing, trying not to think about anything other than the goal. He knew that predators could smell fear on their prey, and it was a sign of weakness, an easy time to strike. And he also knew the scent of Kakuzu's blood would draw them in, sensing that he was weak and wounded. In other words, an easy kill.

Creatures like direwolves, and shinobi, worked in packs, and Hidan didn't know if he had the strength to fight off an entire pack of monsters, especially with a wounded teammate to protect and considering his own low chakra levels at the moment. "Jashin help us," he muttered, trying very hard not to outwardly show fear.

Another rustle and snap of a twig made Hidan's heart leap into his throat, and he stared intently at the spot it had come from, torn between running away and… well, he really didn't have any other options besides stay where he was. A muffled cry of pain, distinctly feminine, reached his ears.

"What the hell…?" he breathed, taking a step closer to the cluster of bushes the noise had come from. Now that he knew the source of the noise was not a direwolf or some other kind of murderous monster, he was a bit more inclined to give in to curiosity. He carefully edged through a gap between two trees, ducking under their drooping limbs. His eyes widened at what he saw.

It was not a murderous monster at all, or so it appeared. Instead there was a young woman, likely a kunoichi, on the ground. She was sitting on her knees, hunched over with both hands covering her mouth. Hidan couldn't see much detail due to the lack of light, but she appeared to be fairly young, mid-twenties or so, with short, dark hair and ripped clothing.

"Hey," Hidan spoke up, loud enough for her to hear but still keeping quiet. "Who the hell are you?"

She jumped at hearing his voice, scrambling to face him with one hand still over her mouth. Her tangled bangs were in her face, but he could still see her grayish-blue eyes, wide with terror. She shook her head frantically, not saying anything.

Hidan was a little perplexed. Was she a mute? He sighed irritably; he didn't have time to deal with this stuff! "Look, I don't know who you are or if you can even understand me, but my… my…" He faltered. "…my friend is injured and I need to find a hospital. I'm lost and I don't know where the hell anything is around here," he explained in a rush.

She seemed to have calmed down some, though her eyes were wary and she still hadn't taken her hand away from her mouth. She stared at the limp body in Hidan's arms for a few seconds, as if evaluating the truth of his explanation before picking up a stick with her free hand and hurriedly scratching in the dirt. After half a minute or so she dropped the stick and gestured for him to read the words.

Hidan carefully sat down on his knees and squinted to read the writing in the darkness. He was shocked at what it said. In large, blocky characters the message in the dirt read: _I AM A MEDIC-NIN._ Hidan hardly dared to believe his luck, staring at the woman sitting a few feet away. "You're a medic-nin?" he asked incredulously, wanting to confirm the statement.

She nodded twice in response.

"So you can help us?" he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his tone. With only one heart and grievous injuries, it was becoming apparent that Kakuzu would not survive long without proper medical attention.

Indecision flickered in her eyes for a moment, and Hidan suddenly remembered he was still wearing his Akatsuki cloak and mentally cursed. After a moment she nodded with finality, Hidan feeling a surge of relief as he laid the half-conscious Kakuzu down in front of him, signaling to the kunoichi that it was time for her to take over.

Looking around, she grimaced before taking her hand away from her mouth. There was no doubt she needed both hands to work, and she supposed someone would have to see her face sooner or later. As expected, the man in the black cloak stared, but she pretended it didn't affect her.

As she removed her hand from her mouth, Hidan immediately knew why she hadn't spoken before. Even in the darkness he could see the stitches over her lips, creating bloody holes in her upper and lower lips and effectively sewing her mouth shut. He also knew beyond a doubt who was responsible for it. "So that crazy bitch got you, too?" he asked quietly.

She nodded again, not looking up as her hands ghosted over Kakuzu's body, gently prodding or pushing here and there and pursing her stitched lips slightly as she assessed the damage. Then she looked up, holding out her hand to Hidan and forcing a sound past her lips that came out as, "_Mmf."_

Hidan just looked at her for a moment, wondering what she meant, before it hit him. Somehow he was able to understand her request, and his eyes widened. _Knife._ That was what she wanted. He reached into his Akatsuki cloak and pulled out a kunai, placing it into her outstretched hand hilt first.

The kunoichi nodded her thanks and raised the kunai to her face. Hidan almost thought she was going to gouge her eyes out or something, but it made sense when she carefully inserted the tip of the blade between the thread and her skin and gave a little tug. The thread easily broke, and she set the kunai down and began carefully pulling the thread out of the holes in her face. It looked painful, and Hidan supposed it probably was, considering the way she flinched when she accidentally tugged too hard on one of the holes. She was quickly done, and then she went right back to work, finishing her examination of Kakuzu's body and pursing her lips.

"He's lost a lot of blood," she finally spoke, looking directly into Hidan's violet eyes. "And if we don't close his abdominal cavity his organs will shut down."

Hidan opened his mouth to ask her what the fuck she was waiting for, but she was already on it, gathering chakra in her fingers like thread and quickly stitching the flaps shut.

"I need you to make sure these stitches hold while I heal as much of the wound as I can," she explained quickly. "Try to be as steady as you can with your chakra since we're not using any anesthetic," she added, her hands already glowing with healing chakra.

The immortal nodded wordlessly, not wanting to disturb the kunoichi's concentration as she poured chakra into the wounds, using his own chakra to keep the stitches in place. After a few minutes the green glow faded, and the woman sat back heavily, panting slightly.

Hidan was surprised and relieved to see that Kakuzu's internal organs were no longer visible and the incisions where his stomach had been cut open were nothing more than pink scars. "Did you…?"

"Not all the way," she said between pants. "There's still his ribs to heal, but his body is already repairing the remaining internal damage on its own."

"Does this mean he's gonna be alright?" Hidan asked after a few moments of struggling with himself.

The kunoichi's gray-blue eyes looked into his violet ones. "If all goes well, yes," she said slowly. "But he is still very weak. Having so much adrenaline pumped into his system has exhausted him, and being tortured hasn't helped."

Hidan glanced at the bloody designs carved all over Kakuzu's body and his mutilated hands, then back at the woman.

"Don't worry, I've still got plenty of chakra," she said before he could say anything, taking one of Kakuzu's hands in her own, which were once again glowing with healing chakra. It took a lot more chakra to replace skin and tissue than it did to simply close a wound, so she was exhausted after healing Kakuzu's mutilated fingers.

"I'm sorry," she said, panting, "but I can't do anything more. My chakra supply is exhausted."

"It's fine," Hidan said, grateful and exhausted as well. "You've done enough." He tore one sleeve of his cloak and used it to bandage the smaller cuts on his teammate's arms.

They sat in silence for a few moments, each contemplating their situation. It had to be well past midnight by now, and they were both lost, no matter how you put it. Both were exhausted, and Hidan felt like he might fall asleep at any moment.

"We should get some sleep," the kunoichi said as she stretched and yawned, almost reading his mind.

"Yeah," Hidan muttered in agreement, pulling his cloak tighter about his shoulders. It felt like it had gotten even colder in the time that he'd known this woman, if that was possible.

"There's a hollow tree over there," the kunoichi pointed out, extending an arm towards a broad shadow that could only be a large tree. She got up and started towards it, leaving Hidan no room to argue, not that he had any desire to, not at such an ungodly hour.

Hidan picked up the unconscious Kakuzu and followed her, surprised at the amount of space inside the tree. There was just enough room for three, if they all squished together.

She must have seen Hidan's hesitation, because she said, "We need to share body heat if we want to avoid freezing to death."

_Damn it._ She was right. As much as he wanted his own space when sleeping, he wasn't going to take any chances with Kakuzu so weak. He was, after all, Hidan's friend. _Friend…_ The word felt so foreign in his mind. It had been a long time since he'd had a friend. He'd shunned all forms of human companionship after leaving his village, instead devoting himself entirely to Jashin. It felt distinctly odd now to come back from his self-imposed emotional isolation. It felt odd to care about someone else, someone _human._

He supposed they did share a lot in common, he thought as he settled into the hollow, taking off his cloak and draping it over Kakuzu's sleeping form as the young woman curled up next to him. They both had strange, frightening appearances, a hobby bordering on obsession, and were rather violent in their problem-solving. Kakuzu knew what it felt like to be a freak, alone and tortured. Hidan could relate.

Yes, he supposed they were friends.

**Author's note: This was not originally where I intended to end the story ^^ I actually had more planned for it (still a oneshot) but I thought this seemed like a good ending. If you like this ending, great! If not, say something in your review and I will post the alternate ending as well.**


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